Some People Will Eat Anything (Redux)

Jan. 25, 2010

Caution: Some of the following material may cause indigestion.

I just finished a story about a fruit detective, another about harvesting oysters and another about rat eating. I must confess I've never eaten oysters, and don't have a desire to catch up on that missed experience. Ditto on the rats. I have no adventurous streak that would one day have me impulsively ordering rat soup, for example. And fruit in all its varieties is also low on my must-eat list.

So, there you have it, I'm not fond of either rats or fruit. But, if hard pressed to eat one or the other, say, if I was locked up in a basement, being held for ransom with a bunch of other kidnapped people, and in the meantime was being told by my captors, "Bag to the right, or bag to the left for your only meal" -- the bag to the left, with a lot of squirming going on; the damp bag to the right, emitting a sweet stench -- I'd take the bag to the right, thank you, and nosh on those nice white apricots at the top until the money comes.

Some experts claim you should never bite into an oyster, that the way to eat one is to swish it around in your mouth a couple of times before swallowing it, say, with a gulp of beer. Other experts insist you bite firmly at least once into an oyster, or else it will sit live inside your belly.

The guy harvesting the oysters in the article I read, asserted, "When I eat an oyster, I feel I'm connecting to something primordial." I say you're in trouble man if that's what it takes to connect you to the primordial. Gaze at your navel for a while. That'll do it. It's less expensive, cholesterol-ridden or daunting. No shells to pry open.

And no slurping or chewing options to ponder.

I say, don't bite into anything that can duplicate itself or what it contains in your belly.

And as for those rats. Let me say a thing or two about what some cultures can consume without so much as a thought about what they're killing or how they are doing it. I saw a television program once that showed animals in cages at the back of a restaurant in China, and showed customers pointing to what they wanted.

"I want that dog," said the giggling woman. "I want that cat," said her son. And so forth. I also saw a man with a knife in the back of that restaurant peel the coat off a cat while it was still alive. The stripped cat stood quivering and in shock before being placed in boiling water -- still alive. Just to satisfy the appetite of a customer.

(And while we're at it, let's ponder the quandary of a lobster).

What kind of people do this, or care not a whit about what a being feels -- Not even care to wonder, accepting only what's always been done, and believing the myths about how it might serve you. Why bother considering the rat or its pain, it will put more hair on your head. Who cares that that cat doesn't want to die yet, it will endow you with a lively spirit!

What follows then if a child is in pain, but you stand to get a lot of money if it dies. It stands to reason that a people that don't care how beings feel, only about how they might serve you, that focus only on the end not the means, would let a child die too if it brought in some cash -- without thinking twice about it.

I can't fathom the lack of morality or heart, and sheer selfishness that the rabid killing of animals for pleasure represents. And I can't fathom ever going to countries where domestic animals are killed right on the spot for eating pleasure. It's bad enough knowing what's on most menus in this country!

You say the rats only eat fruit from the mountains, they're not city rats. That's fine. I believe you.

I've made my choice. I'll take my fruit, straight up.